Why Sirius? Why?
by Professor Specter
Summary: Why Sirius? Why did you leave me alone? Lupin's world is falling apart without his best friend. Set after the fifth book. His POV. No yaoi.


**Why Sirius? Why?**

Gatem: Does the werewolf need a hug?  
Lupin: Just get this over with.  
Gatem: Fine! I was just trying to be nice.  
Lupin: I find that highly unlikely…  
Gatem: Remus! What's gotten into you?  
Lupin: You mean what's gotten out of me.  
Gatem: No, I mean—Oh…Oh, I get it.  
Lupin: Finally. Gatem never had a chance to own Harry Potter, and never will.  
Gatem: Did I need a disclaimer?  
Lupin: You're just asking to be arrested, aren't you?  
Gatem:  
Lupin: I rest my case.

#&#&&

* * *

Why did you leave me Sirius?

Why couldn't you have listened and stayed behind at Grimmauld Place? I know you just wanted to help, but why did you risk your life in the process? Now that you are gone, I feel very alone. You, James and Wormtail were all I had growing up as a werewolf. When James was killed, I lost more than my best friend. I lost a part of my soul. When you became an infamous murderer and Wormtail was assassinated by your hand, I lost another friend, another part of my soul, and my sympathy went out to you for being in Azkaban. I had reached utmost depression.

But then out map was found again. The Marauder's Map. On it, I saw Wormtail and everything became clear. When we explained everything to Harry and his friends, my heart filled with rage and happiness. Rage for Wormtail's betrayal, happiness for your return.

From then till your death you lived as an outlaw, and even dared to return to Hogwarts a few months after I taught there. Not long after that you went back to your home to use as the Order headquarters.

What saddens me the most is that your name was never cleared. Sirius Black was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange, a follower of Lord Voldemort. Some say you deserved it. Others are confused as to why Voldemort killed his second in command. Only those of the Order know your innocence.

I don't know what happened to you when you fell beyond the veil. What happened to me was the final break of my spirit. Curse you, Sirius for leaving me all alone. Of the four Messrs, I will soon be the only one.

I plan to take revenge, and I think nothing short of death for Bellatrix and Wormtail. Throw me in Azkaban, see if I care. At least then my conscience will be clear. What Sirius couldn't accomplish for you James, I will. I'll avenge you both. And I pity anyone who stands in my, be it Voldemort or Harry.

Harry. Your godson has been very lost without you as well. Anytime I see him, even if he looks alright I know he's still bellying the horrible fact that you're gone. Sometimes he asks me questions about you that he never got to ask when you were around. A few I can answer, but others just cause me to break down and I abandon Harry. Many times I've wanted to go back to the Department of Mysteries, rush down to that archway and pull back the curtain, draw back the veil that separates us. I'm not sure what I'd see, but my sanity wanes and soon I might take any chance to find out. But I know the chance won't come. Instead, I have taken the habit of returning to one of our favorite hangouts.

Past James' house down at the outskirts of the town there was this little cliff that hung out over the vast forest below. It was one of the few hangouts we had away from Hogwarts. As a foursome we used to hang out here on lazy Saturdays. But I remember when you and James got into a fight, who ever got to me first would drag me off to the cliff and you'd vent your anger at me. James got annoyed at how calmly I took his rants. When you'd run out of temper, I'd start asking you questions until you forgot about the fight. Times like theses I really felt connected with you and James. Mostly it was you and James, and I didn't mind because I knew we were all friends one in the same. But those times made it seem like you and me or James and me.

James Potter and Sirius Black, the inseparable duo. The brilliant troublemakers, separated too soon, and reunited again. Happy? Indeed I am, Sirius. You and James are a twosome again. But now I am the lone wolf, and jealousy surrounds my heart. I have lost, you have gained. My soul is a dark mist that was lighted by your friendship. Why did you let Bellatrix get the better of you? Why did you leave me to crumble, Sirius? Why have you left me to avenge you and James? Why did you leave Harry and his friends and the Order? Sirius, You were such an important part inn the lives of so many. Surely… you didn't ant to end it all?

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Four friends, and with two gone, one a traitor, and the other a monster, what has this foursome become?

Why Sirius? Why?

(((#&#

* * *

Lupin:  
Gatem: Wake up!  
Lupin: I am awake.  
Gatem: Oh… Damn it, Lupin, you're making me crazy!  
Lupin: Fate of the lone wolf…R&R.  
Gatem: I was gonna say that.  
Lupin: Sure… 


End file.
